Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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