I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
