Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
