there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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