i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
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You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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