Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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