Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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