I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
