Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just cut my nipple shaving
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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