so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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