just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
