This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
