at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
