I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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