my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
