OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
