Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
