I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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