Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just had sex on a roof
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize