Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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