Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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