he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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