Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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