He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
