I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
