it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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