Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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