I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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