Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
