i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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