Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
