Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
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I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
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HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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