I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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