just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I deserve to be covered in dicks
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
