i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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