I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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