it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just tell him i said nine months
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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