I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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