My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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