i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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