She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
