Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
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You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
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He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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