So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
