we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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