is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
