Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
