he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Boobs speak an international language.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
