I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
