Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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