it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
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