Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
