Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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