i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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