it was like his penis was on wheels.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
