JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
40s are totally the cure
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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