dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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