I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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