She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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