your room smells of hookers.
And success
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Randomize
