I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
