is your mom at the bar?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
