My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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