His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
