im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
