I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
