He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
