When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
