when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
