that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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