Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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