It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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