Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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