sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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