He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
