Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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