I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
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