I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
