i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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