i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
