I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
